The Earl and The Duke
by mypiratecat1
Summary: Humorous one shot!  Jack and William poke a great deal fun at the aristocracy over a game of cards at their own rumfilled tea party.


_**Disclaimer: **I sneaks them away from Disney now and then, just for a bit of fun...but I always return them... until the next time..._

_**Author's note: **Same old thing... in Pirate Cat's lovely universe, William is released from his curse with certain conditions, and he and Elizabeth sail with Jack as crewmembers... AND AWE IS BACK IN OUR THEATER FOR ONE MORE WEEK... I feel inspiration coming on! Drinks all around! _

۞

"William! Look at wot I found!"

Captain Jack Sparrow's face lit up with glee, as he and his first mate, William Turner the Second, were inspecting the contents of yet another crate from an East India Trading Company galleon that they had recently ransacked. The hold of said vessel had contained many unmarked crates and barrels, and they had found many items of dubious value, which had been pitched overboard with disappointment, but Jack's find at hand was valuable, indeed.

It was a complete deck of playing cards... something that was possessed only by the very wealthy and affluent, and this one was a deck of highest quality... the colours were bright and the images very crisp. Newly printed and a wondrous find, indeed.

William's eyebrows shot up, and then his face also split into a wide grin. "My my! The captain of that ship certainly had highbrow taste for an employee of the EITC!"

Riffling the cards in his deft hands, Jack chuckled and replied, "He had to 'ave been juggling th' books an' pocketing some o' th' profit. Take it from one who knows. Hmmmm... shall we save this an' try t' sell it, or..."

William shook his head. "I think that we shall save it... and keep it! It will be our secret, Jack!" The smiles of guilty pleasure broke out upon both faces, as they pulled up barrels to a large crate, and began to deal a game of "All Fours"...

During the game, William looked up at Jack mischieviously and said, in an offhand manner, "Did you know that the 'Knave' was originally called the 'Jack' in a deck of playing cards?"

The captain was rearranging his hand and said, "... a 'Jack' is a better name, although I know of several Jacks that have been knaves... meself included... why do they call it a 'Knave', now, and not a 'Jack', I wonder..." He stopped twiddling with his cards for a moment, and thought about it.

William pursed his lips, as he rearranged his own hand. "Well, it is because it is thought in 'high society' that being called a 'Jack' is rather vulger..."

Jack's eyes popped and he looked at William, almost hurt. "Why would it be vulger?" he asked defensively, "It's jus' as good a name t' be called as a William, or even a bloody James!"

William decided to goad his best friend even a bit further..."Well, have you ever heard of a 'King Jack'? There have been King Georges, King Johns, King James..."

"Have there ever been any King Williams?" was the rather miffed retort. The game progressed, as Jack bent forward to get William's attention, pouting, "Well? Have there been any King Williams?"

"In Germany, there have been King Wilhelms... it's the same thing... Oh look! I win!" As William pulled all of the cards toward himself with a chuckle, Jack looked completely befuddled and cried out, "How did ye do that? Ye cheated!"

William looked up from under the edge of his pale blue bandana, and chuckled, "I didn't follow the rules of engagement, that's all... you should know that I stopped that a long time ago, Jack!"

۞

Jack and William were completely unaware that they were being watched by a pair of very amused hazel eyes. It was very hard not to laugh, as it seemed that the captain and his first mate were having quite a bit of fun, and very much at the expense of the higher class of society that had taken its toll upon the pride of a half-gypsy bastard son of a pirate, and a lowly, rough handed blacksmith's apprentice, who found out later that he bore pirate blood. Niether of them had any use for any aristocratic airs, although one of them had a higher tolerance level for such airs than the other, out of loving deference to the woman who was now his wife.

Apparantly the captain and his first mate had laid their hands upon a complete deck of very expensive playing cards, she thought... it was something that neither of them had probably ever had the chance to use in their lives. A full deck of highest quality, she noted...

Not only that, Elizabeth noticed, but there had also been an extremely expensive silver tea service among the items that were found aboard the EITC ship, and it looked as though her two men were having quite the little party! She settled back into the shadows, to watch the daft pair having a quite the conversation as they kept drinking more 'tea'...

Sniffing loudly, Jack said," Oh, I say, Duke! Do please deal another hand, whilst I pour another cup of 'tea' for both of us..." the captain daintily picked up the serving pot, with a finger lightly holding the lid still, pouring a dark liquid into a delicate cup for his tall companion. Jack took great care to stick out his pinky fingers. Elizabeth stifled a laugh as Jack spilled a bit over into William's saucer.

Looking up from shuffling the cards, William stuck his nose up in the air, and curled his upper lip into what seemed to be a sneering smile, "Oh... _thank yew_, 'Earl'... I should be more than delighted to deal a new game for the two of us... I am so glad that we dispensed with playing the _low class _game of 'All Hands'..." Jack batted his eyes at the reference, as William continued. "... it is much more... oh, dear me, what is the word that I am searching for?... ah yes, _amusing_... to make up our own game with our own rules...that is what the upper crust does, after all... we make up our own games of life, with our own rules... I dare say that those scurvy pirates do the same thing..."

"Pirates? Oooo, those nasty rapscallions!" Jack eyes rolled with mock distaste... his hat was even more crooked than usual.

"One lump or two, 'Duke'?" Jack offered imaginary lumps of sugar, as Elizabeth clasped her hand over her mouth hard. William stuck his nose even further up in the air, and shook his head lightly, "Oh, none for me, thank _yew_..." William fluttered a hand, dismissively, as Jack would do, "... sugar in one's libation reminds me of someone whom I cannot abide... Lord Beckett always took his libation that way..."

Jack rolled his eyes, and placed his hand upon his heart, as if faint, "Oh my... that terrible man..." his husky voice grew a bit squeeky, "... I was shocked, _utterly shocked_, to hear about what happened to him, although I must admit that his opponents must have been the most clever, brave... should I say it... _best _men that ever sailed... " Jack was enunciating his words so hard that it looked as though his mouth hurt. English was hard enough for him, as it was not his first language... trying to speak like an aristocrat looked nearly painful!

"Ooooh, 'best men that ever sailed'. I say, 'Earl', I do agree completely with that, in spite of those men being pirates..." William wrinkled up his nose, and Jack followed suit and nodded.

William continued, "However, Lord Beckett's demise certainly gave us more to gossip about than the governor's daughter becoming involved with... oh heaven forbid... a _blacksmith_! ... oh, pardon me... snuff?" William opened what might have been a snuff box in his palm, if there had been one there.

"I don't mind if I do, 'Duke'..." Jack reached over with his long, slender fingers as if to take a pinch of imaginary snuff, and might have been sprinkling it upon his mustache. William tried not to laugh as Jack screwed up his face and sneezed, accordingly.

Using the end of his sash as a handkerchief, the captain dabbed at his small nose very snobbishly, and said, "Good snuff, my man... of the highest quality. Guaranteed to provoke a most elegant sneeze... not a sloppy sneeze, like blacksmiths or pirates..."

"Thank _yew_! It is ridiculously expensive snuff," William smiled tightly, as if something sour was in his mouth. Oh, how many times had Elizabeth seen this scene acted out by those who truly thought that they were so much better than everyone else. In another lifetime, she might have felt a bit insulted... in this lifetime, she was highly amused.

This went on, until the light of the lantern dangling above their heads began to dim for lack of oil. Disappointed, the pair decided that it was time to go above deck to attend to other duties. Elizabeth pushed herself deeply into the shadows, as William and Jack got up from their card game.

Sipping the last of their spiced rum "tea", they bowed deeply, and rather foppishly, to each other. "It has been a frightfully entertaining repast in your presence, 'Earl of the Black Pearl'. I hope that we shall partake of such another round of '_Our Own Bloody Card Game Wif Our Own Bloody Rules' _again, sometime!' William sniffed imperiously.

And as Jack removed his hat and bowed deeply ... and unsteadily... from his waist, again, his beaded dreadlocks nearly sweeping the floorboards, he swept his arms to his sides, and replied, in a high tone... "Undoubtedly, mate...nonono, not 'mate'... I mean, 'Duke of the Flying Dutchman'...it was a delightful 'tea' party... after you..." and he swept an arm up the stairs, and hiccuped a little.

"Oh no, I insist, after _you_..." William nodded, sweeping his arm just as grandly... he, himself, was a bit wobbly on his feet.

Jack sashayed lightly up the steps, with William behind him, tripping only once. Jack was fluttering his hands and saying, "Oh, and let's bring a great deal more 'tea' wif us... I mean '_with_ us'... the next time, 'Duke of the Flying Dutchman'...the 'tea' was just smashing, served in the new tea set..."

"Oh, yes, 'Earl of the Black Pearl', I agree, completely... more 'tea'..."

And with that, as Elizabeth finally was able to giggle, "The Earl" and "The Duke" disappeared above deck, holding each other up a bit (they had partaken of a great deal of 'tea'), after having made sure that their precious playing cards were hidden away from all eyes, in the hull of the mighty Black Pearl...

Elizabeth was certain, she decided, that she would always make sure that the deck of cards would remain undisturbed in its secret hiding place for the two that she loved the most... the only aristocracy in her world, now..."The Earl of the Black Pearl", and "The Duke of the Flying Dutchman".

۞


End file.
